Monday, 10 February 2025

OF LOVE, LUST AND ALL THINGS IMPORTANT

I had a very interesting consultation session with a small town professional about love and future of love.Confidentiality reasons compel me not to divulge specifics ,but the case study is so interesting that some abstract detailing is necessary to fill up this blog’s theme.Session was impromptu ,scheduled late night Sunday because of situational exigencies.The professional ,in mid twenties had a typical ,small town-teenage girl meets boy story .She was propelled internally by a desire to be together for life which made her ‘’give in’’ to the physical compulsions of the boy and it culminated in ‘’as he pleased weekly rendezvous’’ of unprotected intimacy.

The dilemma arises now-talk of formalising relation leads him to say ‘’oh yeah’’ on good days and ‘’c’mon ‘’on bad days.

The girl says she is in a spot.But she SAYS she wants a happily ever after.

I doubt very much that it will happen(though I did not say so.)As counselling golden rule says-don’t give answers.Let them discover their answers.Just clarify.Just simplify.Just amplify.

We leave the rest and come to the generic point arising therefrom.The provocative proposition I place for erudite readers is this:  young women ,not yet into the intimacy channels ,feel/think that giving up on virginity or fornicating with a man they think they are in love with will somehow culminate into a commitment to marry-specially in a small town set up.In big cities too ,the minimum is expectation of reciprocity in love.

But mostly ,hopes fly and despair embraces.

Why?

 

Because ,and now I speak purely of male psyche – women who take off their clothes easily –never get respect in the eyes of a man-unless it is a very explicitly agreed ‘’MUTUALLY AGREED ,RAGING HORMONES NEED TO BE QUIETENED’’ agreement.

Never.

Men will never ever respect such a woman-who in their grossly mistaken notions of progressive permissiveness and bandwagon syndrome – let go with gay abandon.

On to my main  proposition.

Whenever you feel you are smitten by and besotted with a guy,ladies,-or -guys who think the soulmate girl has been discovered,but feel unsure- ‘’will this last?’’-arrows-just ask yourself  THREE QUESTIONS:

1.Do I TRUST this man?

2.Do I RESPECT this man?

3.Do I UNDERSTAND this man?

 

Only after the three yesses,ask yourself: do I LOVE this man?

[Great sex is not even part of the conversation.Its a standalone.Necessary to get things going but never sufficient as far as longevity goes.I dont advocate Victorian prudery at all.Just saying be clear as to why you are doing it.Do not treat it as a unspoken promissory estoppel .Lust can thrive without love any day.Its just compelling biology.You can address it as a standalone.Just do not confuse it with love.]

 

And once you are through this –ask him –and yourself:

1.Do you TRUST me?

2.Do you RESPECT me?

3.Do you UNDERSTAND me?

 

And only after three yesses ,ask him: do you LOVE me?

 

After 3+1 and 3+1 yesses,go ahead.Live together ,marry.Live,laugh,love.

And keep on asking- whenever you have reasons to question your choice-the moment one out of the six yesses turns into a NO-you will find that LOVE left too.

Because love always was an incomplete emotion by itself.

 


Monday, 20 January 2025

MATSYA NYAYA

 

 

  

   Arthashastra  chapter 1.4. shloka13-14

‘’apraīta tu mātsyanyāya udbhāvayati.


bal
īyān abala hi grasate daṇḍadharābhāve. ‘’

 But when the law of punishment is kept in abeyance,it gives rise to such disorder as is implied in the proverb of law and order of fishes (matsyanyaya udbhavayati);

for in the absence of a magistrate (dandadharabhave), the strong will swallow the weak;but under his protection, the weak resist the strong.

The phrase "matsyanyaya" appears in the ancient Indian political treatise Arthashastra by Chanakya (Kautilya): it refers to a law of nature where the strong devour the weak, similar to how larger fish eat smaller fish

In Arthashastra,  historians tell us,Chanakya uses the theory to explain why a state should increase its size and security. He argues that without a government or rule of law, society will degenerate into anarchy, where the strong will exploit the weak.

Chanakya emphasizes the importance of "danda" (strong authority) to prevent the law of "matsyanyaya" from prevailing. He believed that government, rulers, and laws are necessary to overcome this natural law and protect the weak.

The idea of "matsyanyaya" is similar to the idea that the state ensures protection to the small, while in nature the big overwhelms the small.One can easily connect it to the Darwinian theory of ''survival of the fittest'' or even to the food chain theory.

 

 

Saturday, 16 March 2024

LAW EDUCATION .A FEW REFLECTIONS.

There was a post on Linkedin that quality of law graduates has gone down.The author wondered whether it is the students passing out or the law education system which is responsible for the decline.


Here is my response thereon:


 Why just the education system?

The Palkhiwalas and the Dasturs and all the esteemed judges came through the same system...among finest in the world.

Some of the greatest judgements in history of taxation(my field so I know) were written from 50s to 80s when there was no moot court,no internet,archaic teaching methods,pedantic syllabus and law pursuit looked down upon as a refuge of second raters who could not handle science ,humanities or commerce.

.I know bec i was a student in mid 80s myself.

Truth is,introspection as an instrument of analysis,correction and growth is an alien concept nowadays.It was the go to thing in my gen.

sorry to compare ,but resilience,tenacity and depth ...I see nothing nowadays.There are no vectored hard yards just  carbon copy automatons going through the motions of a mindless 14 hour workdays.

And when things go south we have the system and seniors to append blame to.


Lucky ,pre internet gen knew and experienced 'dolce far niente'...no one knows what it means anymore.


Now TY,CFBR ,LOL,et al is our vocabulary.Chat GPT and AI are the gods next to google.

True ,class mentors are rare.But who wants them?We want joker guides teaching  a bag of tips and tricks to win cases.No wonder we are where we are.

Thursday, 19 October 2023

RELATIONSHIPS

 There was a buzz on Linkedin about how relationships sustain you and how growing apart can bd overcome by maintaining journals and diaries.

These are teddy bear solutions belonging to M &B era.

What do you want to have and what are you willing to give up for it?
Thats the Q.

 
What i found is that there is constant tweaking ,mostly downscaling of career and passion aspirations in the name of family necessity.This ,mostly by women.
Men too downsize ambitions 

Issue is ,at the end of your life ,what do you want to be remembered as?

Not everyone who thrives has strong relationships as their base.Infact ,heartbreak has propelled many a great professional achievement.Kalidasa story is a big pointer.


Solitude can be a harbinger of TRUE greatness.

We often use self deception to not see cracks on the relationship wall.Sunk cost sustains self deception and the subterfuge is complete.None of the wounds heal completely.No injury is forgiven completely.Most of us carry on -hurt and broken.

Yet they may be Hermes and Aphrodite combos as an exception.But relationships are overhyped in their value in realising ones TRUE potential.I find "friends with benefits "a much more logical concept.

Indian relationships ,esp marriages are full of hypocricy and hurt amour propre.The reason they dont break is bec of external reasons-fear of being alone esp in old age,loneliness,children,social stigma associated with a divorce ,family disapproval,society hounds who find single and esp divorced women easy game,logistic factors etc.That is why we take the easier route of an extra marital relationship-thrill,excitement ,forbidden fruit syndrome and almost no consequence till you are discreet.Look at tinder,bumble etc.Look at massive office romances and serious physical flirting.Is this the relationship you are so proud of ,which leads you to seek comfort elsewhere?

But what about love completing you,one may ask?
In my view ,a TRUE love is not one who completes you.Its one who helps you complete yourself.
But you ,as a unit are complete.
Marry yourself first.Social one is secondary.
#marriage
#relationships
#life

Saturday, 30 September 2023

NEST OF NEGATIVITY

Life has cheated me.

I did not get the name and fame i deserved.

Life did not give me enough oppurtunities.

I deserved love but never got it.

Etc etc 

Do these thoughts regularly accompany you?

If you do not have an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness,you will find yourself nestling the injustices life did...the work recognition you never got,the love you so deserved never reached you,the opportunities enjoyed by the less endowed deluded you ...etc etc

This is NEST OF NEGATIVITY.

Of course toxic positivity is equally bad.Some failures are final.So are some losses.

From my soft skill sessions i found the following nests in people who were not growing

1.Nurturing their hurts and failures.In subconscious love with their pain


2.No inward gaze


3.Wearing their wounds on their sleeves


4.Operating in a loop


These create a self perpetuating circle.


But.

Tonight ,if you have reasonable health,a roof over your head,food in your stomach ,clothes to wear and tommorow to look forward to,you are rich.Be happy.Be grateful.Be kind.

Life wasn't so giving to everyone.


Think about it.

Thursday, 13 April 2023

UNPAID INTERNSHIP

 

                  

 

1.There is a steady narrative of righteous indignation on social media that professional internships ,specially in the field of law and CA are mostly unpaid or heavily underpaid ,below subsistence wages.I deemed it fit to collate my posts thereon into a comprehensive article detailing my views alongwith cross border perceptions and facts.

2.Just think about this:what are internships for?

"internship is a professional learning experience that offers meaningful, practical work related to a student's field of study or career interest. An internship gives a student the opportunity for career exploration and development, and to learn new skills."

2.1 Are they  supposed to train you and pay you for being trained so that you can go and make big bucks for yourself tommorow?!

Is that it?

Fantastic.

By that token ICAI or law schools too should be paying the students or not charging any fee.

3.One post on Linkedin(an Indian doing law in London) said that in UK one big law firm offered pounds 3.5 per day travelling as the only compensation and that one is not supposed to slog on menial wages for years,running loan and working part time to pay for education.

3.1 My response:

1.Would you still say the same about unpaid internship if you were economically well off ,not on a loan and well heeled?

The law firm was honest enough to say they were covering only your travel expenses.If they had said they will pay you £3.50 per day as stipend for internship,without referring to travel ,would you still say what you said?

2.An internship is of two types:

A.you are just a disguised employee without being on roll sheet and do the firm's work and learning is incidental and ancillary.

B.you are on a learning curve with active interaction with partners ,getting inputs and hands on training.

In A ,some compensation is probably justified.Is it ,in B?

3.And what is an internship for?Learning curve or earning curve?

Should you be compensated for being taught? We are on a huge confusion curve reg internships-the employers as well as interns.

4.If you weren't" going to learn anything new"..in your words...then why the internship?
5..You came on a huge loan and working at Mac....my huge respect ....it does colour perception...and not in a negative way...else your post wouldn't be about "being unpaid"
6..If u want to be compensated for years of experience why seek internship?Seek regular employment.
7.If u seek paid internship,they will simply show you the door.Just look out the door.There is a mile long line.
8..Internship pays in kind..when u intern in a prestigious firm ,dont u use that leverage in your cv when u apply for a job?
9.One comment was:"you cannot expect them to continue for years together on less than menial wages";but interns are not employees..and second ..which internship continues "for years together"?
7.You are already privileged in that you are studying in UK.Think about India.20 lakh lawyers for about 5 crore pending cases.Perennial juniors even at age 40. If they do a job,most would be lucky if they land up even 50,000
p.m....which is about 488.33 £ p.m.

Imagine.

Need huge course correction and perception correction.

 

4.A comment on LINKEDIN mentioned basic stipend is paid in every civilized country and "only in India" there are unpaid internships.

Wonder how many countries did the commentator saw?

It is purely an individual firm's policy.There are no geographical connotations to it.

4.1 Such misleading posts are shocking. Here is a verifiable truth.Do check out:

In US:

The FLSA requires “for-profit” employers to pay employees for their work. Interns and students, however, are not “employees” under the FLSA—in which case the FLSA does not require compensation for their work.

Further:

"Nearly 40% of internships in the United States are unpaid."Do check directly from FLSA data from US.

4.2 Here is a further fact sheet:

Unpaid internships are legal if the intern is the “primary beneficiary” :the seven-point primary beneficiary test.

If an employer is the primary beneficiary, the intern is considered an employee under the Fair Labor Standards Act and entitled to at least minimum wage.

5.In USA,State legislation on unpaid internships differ. Although the federal government doesn’t have any strict requirements for unpaid internships, many state governments offer more specific standards. Some make the flexible guidelines of the seven-point test mandatory; many provide their own criteria.

5.1 New York, for example, includes a stipulation that internships must provide transferable (rather than company-specific) training and cannot be of any “immediate advantage” to the employer, even when the intern is the primary beneficiary. In fact, as outlined by the New York State Department of Labor, “In most circumstances, interns will require employers to dedicate resources that may actually detract from the productivity of the worksite for some period,” making it virtually impossible for a company to profit from an unpaid internship.

5.2 California has one of the country’s strictest stances on unpaid internships, requiring all programs to be conducted through and supervised by an accredited school or vocational program. Employers must also submit an internship proposal to the Division of Labor Standards Enforcement before hiring interns. Any internship that does not meet these standards must pay at least minimum wage. 

[see:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/15161-are-unpaid-internships-legal.html&ved=2ahUKEwiGg7m05IP8AhXWEaYKHayXC0cQFnoECB4QAQ&usg=AOvVaw3GoFIeT_lkIcpCoZEJ4PqF]

Interns are not a way to get free labour.

5.3 The article referred above also says that Brandon Ruiz, whose Los Angeles law firm Hennig Kramer Ruiz & Singh represents employees in wage disputes, reminds employers that labels mean nothing.

“If the intern performs work that benefits the employer and that would otherwise be performed by a regular employee, it is unlikely to be an internship,” Ruiz said. If the intern performs work that primarily benefits the intern and does not do work that would otherwise be performed by an employee, it is more likely to be an internship.”

6.Siri Hedreen writes further in above referred article as to why unpaid internships should be taken up:

‘’Why would someone willingly work as an intern without getting a paycheck? For some college students hoping to launch their careers, meaningful professional experience makes unpaid internships worthwhile. They may view internships as “buying” work experience rather than as offering their labor to a business for free. Robust, internship-filled resumes that stand out, after all, are incredibly valuable for young professionals.

[College students who complete internships are 15% more likely to find employment after graduation than their peers, according to Zippia.]……. Even legal unpaid internships tread a fine line of compliance, where failure is costly.So most Companies do not try gaming the system but do their legal due diligence.

[An unpaid internship may cost the Company.] Not every unpaid intern is simply ambitious for the cause. The professional experience they’re receiving may be valuable, but without compensation, they may not be motivated to deliver their best work. Unpaid interns may consider their internship less serious than a paid one and, therefore, be less committed.’’

 

6.1 Ponder on this:

Unpaid internships can bring you a wealth of experience. You'll get to work with passionate people in a field you love. Compared to paid internships, there is likely to be less pressure on you to perform. It leaves you free to explore, learn, experiment, and grow.

Who should be paying whom?

 

7.The U.S. Department of Labor addresses this subjective question with a flexible seven-part primary beneficiary test, updated from a more rigid six-point test in 2018. Note that the test is for for-profit companies only; public sector and nonprofit organizations are held to separate standards, depending on whether their interns are categorized as volunteers or employees.

According to the test, an intern is a primary beneficiary if they meet the following criteria:

1.The intern is aware they will be uncompensated.

2.Training is comparable to training received at an educational institution.

3.The internship is tied to the intern’s current educational program (e.g., the intern is getting academic credit).

4.The internship accommodates the intern’s academic calendar.

5.The internship is limited to the period during which the intern receives beneficial learning.

6.The intern’s work complements (not replaces) existing employees’ work while still providing beneficial learning.

7.It is understood that the internship does not provide entitlement to a job at its conclusion.

[See:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/71-flsa internships&ved=2ahUKEwiGg7m05IP8AhXWEaYKHayXC0cQFnoECDMQAQ&usg=AOvVaw34DwahbLGAQ26sQBF8Ie6y]

7.CONCLUSION:

Lets not look at internship purely from the prism of utterly modest stipends.Look at them as extensions of your study .And command the learning curve from the organization.Say you want full curve and you seek the knowledge,not the money.The moment you seek and get those stipends ,the moral obligation is gone.They are ‘paying you’,even if its peanuts.Look at the trade off.For pennies of stipends ,pounds of invaluable learning may be gone.

Still want the stipend?

Sunday, 9 April 2023

TOXIC POSITIVITY

 

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. While there are benefits to being optimistic and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely-positive façade. Toxic positivity involves dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. Toxic positivity or positive toxicity is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotion.

Positive and negative emotions should match the appropriate situation. This is viewed as healthy psychologically. However, toxic positivity is criticized for its requirement to feel positive all the time, even when reality is negative.In her 2022 book, Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, author Susan Cain describes "tyranny of positivity" or "toxic positivity" as a cultural directive that says, "Whatever you do, don't tell the truth of what it's like to be alive".

Cain said that, historically and especially in the nineteenth century, boom-and-bust cycles led not only to reverence for successful businessmen, but also to attributing lack of success not to external circumstance but to a failure of character.Cain documents this perceived failure of character as being reflected in the evolving definition of the term "loser".The result is a culture with a "positivity mandate"—an imperative to act "unfailingly cheerful and positive, ... like a winner".

 Toxic positivity arises from an unrealistic expectation of having perfectly happy lives all the time. When this does not happen, people "can feel shame or guilt" by being unable to attain the perfection desired.Accordingly, positivity becomes toxic when a person rejects negative feelings even when they are appropriate. The concept of "tragic optimism", a phrase coined by the existential-humanistic psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, has been suggested as an antidote.

Medical News Today tells us that Toxic positivity is an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic.

Toxic positivity can silence negative emotions, demean grief, and make people feel under pressure to pretend to be happy even when they are struggling.

The research around positive thinking generally focuses on the benefits of having an optimistic outlook when experiencing a problem. Toxic positivity, by contrast, demands positivity from people regardless of the challenges that they face, potentially silencing their emotions and deterring them from seeking social support.

  • asserting after a catastrophe that “everything happens for a reason”
  • brushing off someone’s concerns by saying, “it could be worse”

Some strategies for avoiding self-imposed toxic positivity include:

  • recognizing negative emotions as normal and an important part of the human experience
  • identifying and naming emotions rather than trying to avoid them
  • talking with trusted people about emotions, including negative feelings
  • seeking support from non-judgmental people, such as trusted friends or a therapist

ACK:WIKI,Medical News Today,Susan Cain