CONSENSUAL SEX

 A news item is on rounds:consensual sex between minors who later married each other.

Boy was sent to jail.

Men are,aghast .Why only boy?

If its illegal,why not both?

Here is my response as I posted on Li.

"Agree brother.Jab miya bibi raazi the toh kaazi kyun aaya?

But criminal law in India does not work on consent.By same logic minors can also marry .

As for the fact why only boy is in jail,he is there for what in law is called "statutory rape".

Read this section of IPC ,last line specially:

Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code defines rape as "sexual intercourse with a woman against her will, without her consent, by coercion, misrepresentation or fraud or at a time when she has been intoxicated or duped, or is of unsound mental health and in any case if she is under 18 years of age."

Now lets shorten it to our context:

Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code defines rape as "sexual intercourse with a woman ....... if she is under 18 years of age."

Get it now?

Law is read and understood contextually like this.

Even if consensual ,it will be a rape technically.

"Men cant be raped" is a legal aphorism ,which in my view is bullshit.

In the U.S., laws to define consent and the age of consent are different in every state. The national average age there is 16.Below that its statutory rape.

Think of another Q:a major woman has consensual sex

.Later she says there was no consent.Case ban jayega.(cont'd)

Abhi minor ki baat chal rahi hai.

Ab ek naya concept aaya hai

MARITAL RAPE.

If a wife alleges ,her husband forced himself upon him,tab bhi 375,376,354 lagega,husband par.

So now situation is ,get a legal consent form prepared by a lawyer,both consenting adults should sign in front of notary,then get it registered in court ki kis din kis time kahan aap ye karne jaa rahe hain!

Tab thodi safety hogi.

😄😄😄😄"

This was on a light hearted note.

But on a serious one,ab aadmiyon ki toh lag gayi hai.Jo khata sadiyon pehle hui mardon se ,ab unka badla liya jaa raha hai...baar baar...

Read s 509 of IPC too."Word ,gesture or act intended to insult the modesty of a woman"...3 saal ki sazaa hai mere bhai.

And passage of time does not obliterate anything.#metoo dekhiye.10 saal baad bhi kisi ka irada bana toh allegation laga dega,case register ho jayega,badnaam ho jayenge,phir court chod bhi de duniya nahi chodegi.

There is a film of Akshaye Khanna :Section 375.See it.

So sab naariyon ko maa aur behen maniye ,pranaam kijiye ,ho sake toh charan sparsh(dur se,no touch),monogamy mein rahe,ho saket toh bachelor rahen,voh bhi dukh de to himalaya mein many caves are available on no rent.Water and fruits are on the house.No air conditioning required.Tap kijiye ki Prabhu,agle janam mein ladki paida karna.

☺️☺️☺️☺️

Khush raho dost.Netflix dekho.Saturday hai.

Badhiya khana order karo.

Kahan ye sab soch rahe ho!

RELATIONSHIPS

 There was a buzz on Linkedin about how relationships sustain you and how growing apart can bd overcome by maintaining journals and diaries.

These are teddy bear solutions belonging to M &B era.

What do you want to have and what are you willing to give up for it?
Thats the Q.

 
What i found is that there is constant tweaking ,mostly downscaling of career and passion aspirations in the name of family necessity.This ,mostly by women.
Men too downsize ambitions 

Issue is ,at the end of your life ,what do you want to be remembered as?

Not everyone who thrives has strong relationships as their base.Infact ,heartbreak has propelled many a great professional achievement.Kalidasa story is a big pointer.

Solitude can be a harbinger of TRUE greatness.

We often use self deception to not see cracks on the relationship wall.Sunk cost sustains self deception and the subterfuge is complete.None of the wounds heal completely.No injury is forgiven completely.Most of us carry on -hurt and broken.

Yet they may be Hermes and Aphrodite combos as an exception.But relationships are overhyped in their value in realising ones TRUE potential.I find "friends with benefits "a much more logical concept.

Indian relationships ,esp marriages are full of hypocricy and hurt amour propre.The reason they dont break is bec of external reasons-fear of being alone esp in old age,loneliness,children,social stigma associated with a divorce ,family disapproval,society hounds who find single and esp divorced women easy game,logistic factors etc.That is why we take the easier route of an extra marital relationship-thrill,excitement ,forbidden fruit syndrome and almost no consequence till you are discreet.Look at tinder,bumble etc.Look at massive office romances and serious physical flirting.Is this the relationship you are so proud of ,which leads you to seek comfort elsewhere?

But what about love completing you,one may ask?
In my view ,a TRUE love is not one who completes you.Its one who helps you complete yourself.
But you ,as a unit are complete.
Marry yourself first.Social one is secondary.
#marriage
#relationships
#life

NEST OF NEGATIVITY

Life has cheated me.

I did not get the name and fame i deserved.

Life did not give me enough oppurtunities.

I deserved love but never got it.

Etc etc 

Do these thoughts regularly accompany you?

If you do not have an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness,you will find yourself nestling the injustices life did...the work recognition you never got,the love you so deserved never reached you,the opportunities enjoyed by the less endowed deluded you ...etc etc

This is NEST OF NEGATIVITY.

Of course toxic positivity is equally bad.Some failures are final.So are some losses.

From my soft skill sessions i found the following nests in people who were not growing

1.Nurturing their hurts and failures.In subconscious love with their pain

2.No inward gaze

3.Wearing their wounds on their sleeves

4.Operating in a loop

These create a self perpetuating circle.

But.

Tonight ,if you have reasonable health,a roof over your head,food in your stomach ,clothes to wear and tommorow to look forward to,you are rich.Be happy.Be grateful.Be kind.

Life wasn't so giving to everyone.

Think about it.

UNPAID INTERNSHIP

 

                  

 

1.There is a steady narrative of righteous indignation on social media that professional internships ,specially in the field of law and CA are mostly unpaid or heavily underpaid ,below subsistence wages.I deemed it fit to collate my posts thereon into a comprehensive article detailing my views alongwith cross border perceptions and facts.

2.Just think about this:what are internships for?

"internship is a professional learning experience that offers meaningful, practical work related to a student's field of study or career interest. An internship gives a student the opportunity for career exploration and development, and to learn new skills."

2.1 Are they  supposed to train you and pay you for being trained so that you can go and make big bucks for yourself tommorow?!

Is that it?

Fantastic.

By that token ICAI or law schools too should be paying the students or not charging any fee.

3.One post on Linkedin(an Indian doing law in London) said that in UK one big law firm offered pounds 3.5 per day travelling as the only compensation and that one is not supposed to slog on menial wages for years,running loan and working part time to pay for education.

3.1 My response:

1.Would you still say the same about unpaid internship if you were economically well off ,not on a loan and well heeled?

The law firm was honest enough to say they were covering only your travel expenses.If they had said they will pay you £3.50 per day as stipend for internship,without referring to travel ,would you still say what you said?

2.An internship is of two types:

A.you are just a disguised employee without being on roll sheet and do the firm's work and learning is incidental and ancillary.

B.you are on a learning curve with active interaction with partners ,getting inputs and hands on training.

In A ,some compensation is probably justified.Is it ,in B?

3.And what is an internship for?Learning curve or earning curve?

Should you be compensated for being taught? We are on a huge confusion curve reg internships-the employers as well as interns.

4.If you weren't" going to learn anything new"..in your words...then why the internship?
5..You came on a huge loan and working at Mac....my huge respect ....it does colour perception...and not in a negative way...else your post wouldn't be about "being unpaid"
6..If u want to be compensated for years of experience why seek internship?Seek regular employment.
7.If u seek paid internship,they will simply show you the door.Just look out the door.There is a mile long line.
8..Internship pays in kind..when u intern in a prestigious firm ,dont u use that leverage in your cv when u apply for a job?
9.One comment was:"you cannot expect them to continue for years together on less than menial wages";but interns are not employees..and second ..which internship continues "for years together"?
7.You are already privileged in that you are studying in UK.Think about India.20 lakh lawyers for about 5 crore pending cases.Perennial juniors even at age 40. If they do a job,most would be lucky if they land up even 50,000 ₹ p.m....which is about 488.33 £ p.m.

Imagine.

Need huge course correction and perception correction.

 

4.A comment on LINKEDIN mentioned basic stipend is paid in every civilized country and "only in India" there are unpaid internships.

Wonder how many countries did the commentator saw?

It is purely an individual firm's policy.There are no geographical connotations to it.

4.1 Such misleading posts are shocking. Here is a verifiable truth.Do check out:

In US:

The FLSA requires “for-profit” employers to pay employees for their work. Interns and students, however, are not “employees” under the FLSA—in which case the FLSA does not require compensation for their work.

Further:

"Nearly 40% of internships in the United States are unpaid."Do check directly from FLSA data from US.

4.2 Here is a further fact sheet:

Unpaid internships are legal if the intern is the “primary beneficiary” :the seven-point primary beneficiary test.

If an employer is the primary beneficiary, the intern is considered an employee under the Fair Labor Standards Act and entitled to at least minimum wage.

5.In USA,State legislation on unpaid internships differ. Although the federal government doesn’t have any strict requirements for unpaid internships, many state governments offer more specific standards. Some make the flexible guidelines of the seven-point test mandatory; many provide their own criteria.

5.1 New York, for example, includes a stipulation that internships must provide transferable (rather than company-specific) training and cannot be of any “immediate advantage” to the employer, even when the intern is the primary beneficiary. In fact, as outlined by the New York State Department of Labor, “In most circumstances, interns will require employers to dedicate resources that may actually detract from the productivity of the worksite for some period,” making it virtually impossible for a company to profit from an unpaid internship.

5.2 California has one of the country’s strictest stances on unpaid internships, requiring all programs to be conducted through and supervised by an accredited school or vocational program. Employers must also submit an internship proposal to the Division of Labor Standards Enforcement before hiring interns. Any internship that does not meet these standards must pay at least minimum wage. 

[see:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/15161-are-unpaid-internships-legal.html&ved=2ahUKEwiGg7m05IP8AhXWEaYKHayXC0cQFnoECB4QAQ&usg=AOvVaw3GoFIeT_lkIcpCoZEJ4PqF]

Interns are not a way to get free labour.

5.3 The article referred above also says that Brandon Ruiz, whose Los Angeles law firm Hennig Kramer Ruiz & Singh represents employees in wage disputes, reminds employers that labels mean nothing.

“If the intern performs work that benefits the employer and that would otherwise be performed by a regular employee, it is unlikely to be an internship,” Ruiz said. If the intern performs work that primarily benefits the intern and does not do work that would otherwise be performed by an employee, it is more likely to be an internship.”

6.Siri Hedreen writes further in above referred article as to why unpaid internships should be taken up:

‘’Why would someone willingly work as an intern without getting a paycheck? For some college students hoping to launch their careers, meaningful professional experience makes unpaid internships worthwhile. They may view internships as “buying” work experience rather than as offering their labor to a business for free. Robust, internship-filled resumes that stand out, after all, are incredibly valuable for young professionals.

[College students who complete internships are 15% more likely to find employment after graduation than their peers, according to Zippia.]……. Even legal unpaid internships tread a fine line of compliance, where failure is costly.So most Companies do not try gaming the system but do their legal due diligence.

[An unpaid internship may cost the Company.] Not every unpaid intern is simply ambitious for the cause. The professional experience they’re receiving may be valuable, but without compensation, they may not be motivated to deliver their best work. Unpaid interns may consider their internship less serious than a paid one and, therefore, be less committed.’’

 

6.1 Ponder on this:

Unpaid internships can bring you a wealth of experience. You'll get to work with passionate people in a field you love. Compared to paid internships, there is likely to be less pressure on you to perform. It leaves you free to explore, learn, experiment, and grow.

Who should be paying whom?

 

7.The U.S. Department of Labor addresses this subjective question with a flexible seven-part primary beneficiary test, updated from a more rigid six-point test in 2018. Note that the test is for for-profit companies only; public sector and nonprofit organizations are held to separate standards, depending on whether their interns are categorized as volunteers or employees.

According to the test, an intern is a primary beneficiary if they meet the following criteria:

1.The intern is aware they will be uncompensated.

2.Training is comparable to training received at an educational institution.

3.The internship is tied to the intern’s current educational program (e.g., the intern is getting academic credit).

4.The internship accommodates the intern’s academic calendar.

5.The internship is limited to the period during which the intern receives beneficial learning.

6.The intern’s work complements (not replaces) existing employees’ work while still providing beneficial learning.

7.It is understood that the internship does not provide entitlement to a job at its conclusion.

[See:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.dol.gov/agencies/whd/fact-sheets/71-flsa internships&ved=2ahUKEwiGg7m05IP8AhXWEaYKHayXC0cQFnoECDMQAQ&usg=AOvVaw34DwahbLGAQ26sQBF8Ie6y]

7.CONCLUSION:

Lets not look at internship purely from the prism of utterly modest stipends.Look at them as extensions of your study .And command the learning curve from the organization.Say you want full curve and you seek the knowledge,not the money.The moment you seek and get those stipends ,the moral obligation is gone.They are ‘paying you’,even if its peanuts.Look at the trade off.For pennies of stipends ,pounds of invaluable learning may be gone.

Still want the stipend?

TOXIC POSITIVITY

 

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. While there are benefits to being optimistic and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity rejects all difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful and often falsely-positive façade. Toxic positivity involves dismissing negative emotions and responding to distress with false reassurances rather than empathy. Toxic positivity or positive toxicity is dysfunctional emotional management without the full acknowledgment of negative emotion.

Positive and negative emotions should match the appropriate situation. This is viewed as healthy psychologically. However, toxic positivity is criticized for its requirement to feel positive all the time, even when reality is negative.In her 2022 book, Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, author Susan Cain describes "tyranny of positivity" or "toxic positivity" as a cultural directive that says, "Whatever you do, don't tell the truth of what it's like to be alive".

Cain said that, historically and especially in the nineteenth century, boom-and-bust cycles led not only to reverence for successful businessmen, but also to attributing lack of success not to external circumstance but to a failure of character.Cain documents this perceived failure of character as being reflected in the evolving definition of the term "loser".The result is a culture with a "positivity mandate"—an imperative to act "unfailingly cheerful and positive, ... like a winner".

 Toxic positivity arises from an unrealistic expectation of having perfectly happy lives all the time. When this does not happen, people "can feel shame or guilt" by being unable to attain the perfection desired.Accordingly, positivity becomes toxic when a person rejects negative feelings even when they are appropriate. The concept of "tragic optimism", a phrase coined by the existential-humanistic psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, has been suggested as an antidote.

Medical News Today tells us that Toxic positivity is an obsession with positive thinking. It is the belief that people should put a positive spin on all experiences, even those that are profoundly tragic.

Toxic positivity can silence negative emotions, demean grief, and make people feel under pressure to pretend to be happy even when they are struggling.

The research around positive thinking generally focuses on the benefits of having an optimistic outlook when experiencing a problem. Toxic positivity, by contrast, demands positivity from people regardless of the challenges that they face, potentially silencing their emotions and deterring them from seeking social support.

• asserting after a catastrophe that “everything happens for a reason”
• brushing off someone’s concerns by saying, “it could be worse”

Some strategies for avoiding self-imposed toxic positivity include:

• recognizing negative emotions as normal and an important part of the human experience
• identifying and naming emotions rather than trying to avoid them
• talking with trusted people about emotions, including negative feelings
• seeking support from non-judgmental people, such as trusted friends or a therapist

ACK:WIKI,Medical News Today,Susan Cain

THE FORGOTTEN ANGLE

The quote below is sourced from The Week  dated March 19 ,2023.

"Sex is such a healthy thing that your first encounter with it should be good. Otherwise, it scars and disturbs you for life. That sexual assault gave me complex throughout my life and it took me a long time and several partners to come out of it."

:Actor Piyush Mishra

There was a recent story in press of a cab driver being taken at a lonely place by a group of women probably in Punjab and sexually assaulted.But such is the algorithm bias on internet that whenever I typed "sexual assault on cab driver by women" the internet opened up pages on sexual assault by cab drivers on women.Try it.

such is the socio cultural bias that sexual assault on men by women evoke guffaws and sniggers,some even going on to say its biologically/anatomically impossible.What amazing stupidity.

Ditto for legal bias.Women have s 354,375 and 509 of IPC to protect them

Is there a single provision in Indian laws which specifically (not generally ,as in criminal assault)covers men?

Why is POSH for women only?

Is there no sexual victimization of men by female bosses ?(in fact a film Aitraz got made on it some years back).

 All of us know women's day as March 8.Do you know there is an Inttl.Men's day too?Do u know the date?Can u recall any event associated with it?

According to the findings of a major U.S. study, 40% of men who were sexually abused in childhood reported that their abuser was female.(J., Dong, M. and Giles, W.H. (2005). (American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 28(5): 430-438.)

Men are chauvinist pigs.Great.They have hidden agendas.Fine.But this labelling of MCP has a counter story too,did u know that?Written by a WOMAN, Ariel Levy's book FEMALE CHUVINIST PIGS is a must read.

I admire women greatly.I respect their independence,their freedoms ,their choices ,their rights.But trampling over all men in the name of feminism all the while USING their gender and riding on historical wrongs to get their way by means fair or foul ...that is ethical?

Why the hypocrisy?

Lets be a little even handed about this.

"Take a moment and picture an image of a rapist. Without a doubt, you are thinking about a man. Given our pervasive cultural understanding that perpetrators of sexual violence are nearly always men, this makes sense. But this assumption belies the reality, revealed in our study of large-scale federal agency surveys, that women are also often perpetrators of sexual victimization.":Lara Stemple, Ilan H. Meyer (2017)UCLA school of Law.

Hanna Rosin writing on this research said:"Stemple is a longtime feminist who fully understands that men have historically used sexual violence to subjugate women and that in most countries they still do. As she sees it, feminism has fought long and hard to fight rape myths—that if a woman gets raped it’s somehow her fault, that she welcomed it in some way. But the same conversation needs to happen for men.”

SAME CONVERSATION NEEDS TO HAPPEN FOR MEN.

International Women's Day

International Woman's day (Mar 8)is the day whole world stands up and berates men for discriminating against women and how,inspite of this women are out scoring men.

My respectful tangent.

 Main point of feminism is not equality.

This concept is killing feminist movements because feminism does not mean being allowed to do what all men do.

Wikipedia ,very wrongly,tells us that "Feminism holds the position that societies prioritize the male point of view and that women are treated unjustly in these societies."

Very bad drafting of an equally bad conceptualization.

Feminism is about FREEDOM-free to do what i want,when I want and how i want-within bounds of law.

So is humanism.

The day we say" I am free"without reference to gender...that would be all-isms.

Feminism is political, economic and cultural freedom.

Equality is just a subset of freedom.

The day women stop referencing men as standards of any endeavour is the day they will be feminine-not merely feminists.I personally believe that women are emotionally a much stronger gender.They are capable of withstanding adversity far more than men.That is why they outlive men.Men disintegrate easily.

And they have their share of discrimination,though not talked about.March 8 everyone knows.How many know there is an International men's day too?And the date?One will google to find out.Is any celebration held to commemorate the day?

But why should there be,say the hard core arm chair vigilante women?.They are bloody MCPs.

How many know Ariel Levy ,a woman,wrote a book "Female Chauvinist Pigs" (sorry,but that's the title),on rise of the raunch culture.

Infact I think gender differences should be respected and celebrated.I find the feminine vulnerability(in sensible women) strangely attractive.Never thought of it as a weakness.It takes guts to show that.Ditto for tears.Now male crying is getting normalised.

Women started wearing pants.Great.But men didnt cry wolf and say we should be allowed to wear skirts or that when we wear skirts we are looked upon as nut cases.

Women's day should be a celebration of womanhood.How they are outpacing men in matters of substance and how much they are still discriminated are chapters of another book.

“Woman” is an "absolute". Not a " comparative".

WORKPLACE FRIENDSHIPS

 It depends on what's your concept of friendship-core common interest areas,shared passions and perceptions,common likes,even partly coalescing value systems,intelligence levels .....there are multiple facets of a paradigm called genuine friendship.

Else whosoever interacts with you for a reasonable length of time regularly and share superficialites of a shared workplace like a visceral dislike of management,overwork etc is a friend.These equations of supposed bonding are exposed once the 'c'word comes in -competition.Or the 'p'word-promotion.

Ironically ,I feel,its major age differentials in work place,which can foster genuine friendship-no competition there.

Rest is just BONDING-mistaken for friendship,which is way deeper.

Also ,its said that equations made in extreme situations do not last-given the tough work demands in most set ups nowadays(except CCD type environs,projected on social media)-these are just shared adversity bonds...again,not friendship.

It is said ,a man and a woman can never be friends(to me,a modified version:no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive) -because love or sex comes in between.("When Harry Met Sally" deja vu).Its famously said that a man thinks of sex every seven seconds-that seems improbable- a Kinsey institute study puts it at once every 1.26 hours 

Women do to ...the study said ...several times a day.Given the Victorian prudery Indians suffer from,you can suitably modify the numbers.But opposite gender friendship at any place ,is hit big time by this factor.So it hinders work many a time(may help too!).(You may contest this concept of humans being libido enslaved homo sapiens ...history however is kinder to my perception.)

So friendship at work is rare-because work comes in between.

Then.

Is workplace friendship a real concept?

Possible?,yes.

Probable?,no.

Helpful?,who knows.

Minus the prudery ,a TRUE poll on workplace friendship would give 4 results.

1.Male (female)bonding ...yes

2.Office romance/intimacy/flirtation

...yes.

3.Opp gender friendship(no friends with benefits)...ugh.

4.Same gender friendship...get real maan!

WHAT IS THE RIGHT DECISION?A MORAL AND A MANAGEMENT DILEMMA

 

                

 

An amazing story I came across.

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other is non operational.

Only one child is playing on the unused track; the rest on the operational track.

A train is coming, and you are just beside the track changer. You can make the train change its course to the non operational track and save most of the kids.

However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the unused track would be sacrificed.

Would you change the track?

Or would you rather let the train go its way?

 

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we would make...

 

Have you thought enough???

 

Most people would choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. Save most of the children at the expense of only one child is probably a rational decision most people would make.

But, have you ever thought that the child who chose to play on the unused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he was to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.

 

This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the RIGHT is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how far-sighted and knowledgeable the wise are.

 

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track were aware that the track was still in use, and that they would run away when they hear the train's sirens.

Now, If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never expects that a train could come over on the unused track!

Further, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to such a track, we may put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in our attempt to save few kids thinking that the train may run over them, we might end up sacrificing hundreds of people.

 

"What's Right isn't always popular.

and what's popular isn't always Right.’’

NETWORKING

 

I think the word I read most on sites like Linkedin is ‘’Networking’’.I read most with great amusement for the sheer lack of ignorance the usage exhibits.We need a Definitive statement on networking and Clear some misconceptions thereon.Here is my modest contribution.

MASTER MISCONCEPTION: Networking is  creating a personal pool of influential people.

It is not.

Networking is the exchange of information and ideas among people with a common profession or special interest, usually in an informal social setting. ...This is the only definition I find acceptable minus its Machiavellianistic connotations ,though what I expand below,per need of the topic goes beyond nobility and is transactional in its bareback avatar.

CONCEPT

People should know who you are. That helps establish credibility and thereafter builds personal value over time. But what makes social networking a powerful tool for leaders depends on how robustly one establishes oneself through their networks.

I read an interesting take on the concept over internet(Ms.Anita Das probably).The writer said,as I repeatedly say that ‘’It has been reasserted by many that in a professional’s life, networking is akin to creating business opportunities. But this critical skill is not about schmoozing over wine and cheese and exchanging business cards as naysayers would make it out to be. It is an art that integrates understanding mind-sets and making mutually beneficial connections underpinned with professionalism.’’

VISIBILITY

The ‘Father of Modern Networking’, Founder and Chief Visionary Officer of BNI – Mr. Ivan Misner put the networking theory into perspective with the VCP process. He mentioned a meaningful referral begins with being visible. And their power is based on the social capital they have developed building relationships with people in their network. This does not happen by being sequestered or merely friending on Facebook or accepting a connection on LinkedIn. Social networks are useful but they are no substitute for forming direct personal connections. Face to face contact always helps to create good first impressions and build trust over time. Once trust is established the relationship is valued beyond favors and a credible profile of yours gets registered.

Over the last decade Misner drew his own networking cardinal rules that he says  have guided him. I place out some of his key rules here ,though I necessarily do not agree in most part.

Misner’s Cardinal keys of Networking:

1. Give before you get
If you think of asking favour before obliging someone first, you may be shunned or even despised. Always think of giving first without expecting anything in return. Be generous with giving invitations to gatherings, showing simple gestures to make people feel special will always go a long way.  Results may actualise over a period of time and not be immediate.

2. Be Genuine

Human beings are social animals. We are compassionate first. Solicitousness should form the basis of any relation whether business or personal to develop trust over a period of time. Genuinity and a deep rooted care, interest and enthusiasm for meeting new people should mark the way while extending one’s business network.

3. Be part of relevant industry bodies

In the business of networking it is important to be a part of industry networks that add value to one’s personal development and also help gather industry knowledge and expertise. 

 4. Create a personal brand

Identify yourself first. When establishing your personal brand be mindful to be aligned with your organization's persona. That will also make people value you and help build your connections to generate relevant business when required.

5. Listen more, talk less

Listen more intently than talk. Open a conversation but always make it about the other person. What are their interests, which charities do they support, awards they have received etc. Be focused when in one conversation, avoid butterflying from one table/group to another without spending sufficient time at one. Don’t take out business cards until absolutely required. Be subtle and genuine with your conversations.

6. Be agile and passionate

A good networker will always inspire others to want to connect with them and their business. Show enthusiasm and passion for what you do and how you do it.

So here it is,the concept.Although I’d rather just let the talent do the talking.

OF HONESTY AND INTEGRITY

 

As per Alliance for Integrity “Integrity in its bare-bones essence means adherence to principles. It is a three-step process: choosing the right course of conduct; acting consistently with the choice—even when it is inconvenient or unprofitable to do so; openly declaring where one stands. It is “thinking person’s virtue.”

People often interchange honesty and integrity as if they are one and the same. But, they are decidedly distinct. The honest person may truthfully tell what he or she believes without the advance determination of whether it is right or wrong. Integrity is about conduct;honesty is about adhering to facts. honesty is about what you say; integrity is about what you do. 

Integrity compares your behaviour to your own rules and self-definition. If your behaviour is always consistent with your belief system, you are acting with integrity.In this sense integrity is the opposite of hypocrisy.An interesting take is “Integrity is telling myself the truth. Honesty is the truth I tell others.”

Integrity can best be explained as "doing the right thing when no-one is watching". Honesty is just about telling the truth.

Integrity deals with actions.Honesty is about words.Honesty does not imply that a person adheres to a moral code.Integrity implies that a person adheres to a moral code.Honesty is not a guarantee of integrity.Integrity is a guarantee of honesty.

Wiki sums it up well

Integrity is “concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes.”

So

One can be honest without integrity.Honesty is what most of us value.Integrity is however the real thing.