DO YOU LOVE ME?

 

‘’But sir,I am in love with him.Should I ask him too?’’This was a freewheeling consulting session in 2022 on a balmy Bombay evening ,on its windswept roads with a young lady on call.Sensible ,intelligent ,pursuing Management.He ,a charismatic senior ,a couple of years older.

Oddly ,I remembered that conversation today ,late evening ,on 23^rd of April 2026.Context is personal ,so detailing is out of bounds,sorry folks.

But to the business end.In 2022 ,as I recall –I asked her-tell me ,are you in love?She retorted ‘’oh yes,I very much am’’.So I had her on my familiar turf of conceptualizations- I asked-‘’ok,what is love?’’For 15 minutes I got all sorts of adjectives –from care to desire to …..But then ,is that love?In fact her ‘’love’’(?) itself needs a qualifier- romantic love(ishq wala love)-that is first of the numerous shortcomings of love as we practice it.A father loves his daughter.You love that song.I love travel.

Par nahin na re baba- ye wala nahi?-toh phir?- are vo ishq wala love!

As a young guy in his late 20s  I heard Haddaway sing ‘’What Is Love’’  ( 1993). The song became a global Eurodance anthem, a sad banger.Super anthem it was ,but the key note haunts me till date-unrequited search for a definition and a plea ‘’baby don’t hurt me’’.This ,and the other one "Where Does Love Go (When It's Gone)"- a country song sung by Janie Fricke, released in 1988 on her album Saddle the Wind - completed my futile search for its meaning.I tried in vain to put it in writing ,hitting other unintended notes of wisdom.Six blogs thereupon ,I wrote(Those willing to suffer ,please see at the end of this essay).

 

This essay is not about defining love.Its about what it involves.When you ask me(romantically contextualised)-‘’do you love me?’’- you have got me-and yourself- in a BINARY-a yes or no bind.Hai-ya nahi hai?

We have castrated love so that it makes sense.If I say yes,what does it entail PRIMARILY?Love as we practice it ,involves latent territoriality.Not just possessiveness.Territoriality.The theme is ‘’I OWN HIM/HER’’.

Ownership.

That undid marriages.

And it undoes love.

If at all,love has to be about BELONGING.Not ownership.We seek ownership only when we are desperately insecure and hurt-searching for validation and affirmation.

The lady of 2022 ,if I were to meet her today,I will answer like this- your question is incorrect.Because love is a VERB ,not an ADJECTIVE.(Badi theory hai-research it –Nobel is around).

 The correct question is :

‘’WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME?’’.

Do you love me is a close ended question.This is an open ended ,essay type question.This is what defines –or should define relationships.I feel passion .I feel desire.I feel identification.I feel bonding.I feel camaraderie.I feel enabling……and on and on and on…….add with free abandon.

Is that love?.Wrong question.

Because love is an abstraction- a driver.It is any positive sentiment you feel towards any THING or PERSON.That is why the question is incorrect- ask not whether he loves you-because his ADJECTIVES to encapsulate that VERB will be different than yours.tabhi it happens after a few years-‘’aap toh aise na thhe’’.’’Arre hum vaise hi thhe.Aapne dekha hi nahi.’’

But if you say passion-it’s a specific .Camaradiere-  very specific.Companionship-very very specific.So on and so forth.

 

So don’t ‘’I LOVE YOU’’.Do ‘’ I FEEL (this)’’.

Its a lifetime of understanding.

Love will not go-because it was never there .

What was/is there was/is a specific feeling .

Define it.

 

What is so magical about those three words? –I LOVE YOU-nothing.Its just an angelic leg pull- God having a good laugh at human attempts to bind the unbindable.Because that abstraction is way too huge to be captured in three words.

 ‘Noor ki boond hai vo sadiyon se baha karti hai.Sirf ehsaas hai vo ,rooh se mehsoos karo.’Pyar ko pyar hi rehne do koi naam na do.’’

 

 

P.S.For those who desire to suffer further: here are the links-

TRUE LOVE

https://loneranger64.blogspot.com/2020/06/true-love.html

ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE

https://loneranger64.blogspot.com/2025/08/on-love-and-marriage.html

WHY MARRIAGES DON’T WORK.WON’T WORK

https://loneranger64.blogspot.com/2018/11/why-marriages-dont-workwont-work.html

AN URBAN TRAGEDY:

https://loneranger64.blogspot.com/2014/05/little-talks-about-life-4an-urban.html

RELATIONSHIPS:

https://loneranger64.blogspot.com/2023/10/relationships.html

SOULMATES

 

https://loneranger64.blogspot.com/2014/05/llittle-talks-about-life4soulmates.html

 

THE VICE LIKE GRIP OF AI IN LAW: A PSYCHOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE

 

Inspite of the internet being swamped by the lightening damage being caused by rampant use of AI being used in learning and practice of law ,the law milieu is flooded with its endless fascination for AI.The greatest shortcut to mind blowing research and indescribably erudite drafting.

We are like the deer caught in blinding headlights.The mortality rate of credibility in Courts is as much.

 

But we continue regardless.

 

My two cents from a totally management and psychology perspective.

AI may be great for doing laundry and dishes but not doing poetry and law .

 

All those swearing by AI in the spheres like law and other areas involving critical and creative thinking go on to prove Douglas McGregor"s THEORY X of work motivation and my own theory of Maggi solutions - AI is catching on like wildfire specially among law students and newbies ,not because its an omnipotent and omniscient force providing solid solutions in seconds .

 

It is a bushfire because we would do anything to avoid effort and thought.(a takeoff from THEORY X)Inspite of it being demonstrated so many times in so many courts and other places across the globe we are taking as an unqualified manna from heaven.This is blown out of proportion when the fascinating and crisp presentations create wows from our other modest talents on legalese and superficial awareness of law.The mediocre turns genius with a few clicks.

 

Mind you ,this is not the honest and reliable as well as cross verifiable  net search simpliciter-human content created by humans,for humans.This is GENERATIVE AI.It THINKS ,AND CREATES.That is the real danger.

 

To me the concern is more generic- this abandonment of thought and effort may one day convert into incapability of thought and effort.Deepfakes are the best example of truth being declared a lie and vice versa.

 

I very strongly recommend that all should watch a serial on Deepfakes -THE CAPTURE -available on ott AMAZON PRIME.

There is an old saying.will conclude with that: APNI KHWAHISHON PAR KABOO RAKHNA CHAHIYE.NA JAANE VO KAB SACH HO JAYEN.

[''Beware what you wish for.'']

How can we let something created by human mind enslave the human mind?

Creativity in human endeavour ,be it law or poetry, is the very raison d etre of the beauty of human existence.

I guess ,we need to address natural stupidity first and fast before we address artificial intelligence.

बारिश

 चलो आज बारिश को चाय पे बुलाते हैँ।

थक गया हूं थोड़ा,कुछ भीगते गुनगुनाते हैँ।

चलो आज बारिश को चाय पे बुलाते हैँ।

भर गया है मन बहुत, इन्न् भरे आंसुओं को 

उसके पानी में मिलाते हैँ।

चलो आज बारिश को चाय पे बुलाते हैँ।

दिल में जो दर्द है जो गम् है उसको थोड़ा याद करते हैँ 

थोड़ा भुलाते हैँ।

चलो आज .....

अकेले ही अकेले खुद से रूठते हैँ फिर खुद को मनाते हैँ।

चलो आज ....

मोहब्बत से बिछड़ जाने वाले,उस्के आने से लेकर् 

उस्के जाने वाले ,वो नग्मे फिर से गुनगुनाते हैँ।

चलो आज .....

खुद से किये वो  नामुकम्मल् वादे ,

जी भर के एक आख़री बार ज़िंदगी को आगोश में लेने के इरादे 

चलो एक् बार् फिर् खुद को आज़माते हैँ।

चलो आज बारिश को चाय पे बुलाते हैँ।

: अनादि

अलविदा 2025

 बीता साल कुछ ऐसे गुज़ारा मैने।

अल्फाज़ बेच दिये खामोशी खरीद ली।

यूँही निकल पड़े ज़िंदगी से उलझने।

हंसी अपनी बेचकर थोड़ी खुशी खरीद ली।

सुकून देते थे सन्नाट्टे बहुत मुझे।

साथ सबका बेचकर कर तन्हाई खरीद ली।

ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE

 For this post idea I need to be thankful to a young lady who I knew for a short time - exceptionally talented ,very intelligent ,pursuing law - she said while discussing the fate of love-a freewheeling exchange of thoughts-

'' I believe love is marriage''.Also marriage is an absolute inevitability for women specially.Love means nothing if marriage is not its culmination.

That to me is the biggest humbling experience the concept of love must have got- an absolute ego crash!

I did not disclose to her ,I have a blogpost on the same ,nor did I contest the proposition with her.I try not to fight with prejudices.Some lessons are best taught by life.

You are defined by what you stand in line for.

Here is a small uptake (not heavy).

If Hermes and Aphrodite married ,those who attended,do share a copy of the invite.

Marriage is a socio legal sanction for cohabitation.It is not a natural phenomenon.The proposition of the young lady is a conformity,safety and society driven warped myopic world view which is not just subservient but enslaving - an affront to human existence.

The siege of artificial social constructs on our collective psyche is complete.

But maximum jokes are on husbands ,wives and marriage- lesson somewhere.

No quarrel with marriage per se.It has dispensable utility value.Practical and convenient maybe.But its a different topic.

And love has nothing to do with it.There are loveless marriages and loves which never need the marriage prop.

What then is love?In itself an incomplete sentiment -[see https://lnkd.in/dnxBUXKV]

TRUE love is the real deal as I argue in that blog -do spare time and read it if you wish.So love is about-

T -Trust

R- Respect

U-Understanding

E- Empathy

But ,is this it?What about love?- In v brief.

Love is about

perception- mutual world view

vision- what is life all about

values- what we share

dreams- what we want to do

growth -what we want to be

companionship- can we both look at the same sunset for an hour ,enjoying the silence in togetherness?

desire and passion - no chemistry without physics

Love is about inspiring

Love is about enabling.

Love is about empowering.

Its about hand in hand.

Its about head on shoulder.

Its about laughing together.

Its about crying together.

Its about compelling irresistibility tugging at your heart.

It's about longing.

It's about belonging.

It is when you like yourself more when you are with him/her.

Its part of self actualizing: the ultimate purpose.

Its a tribute: to the real story of Hermes and Aphrodite so few know.

You can add on the theme.I can too.

Its this thought you have:'' I want the world to go on because you are in it.''

SIEGE MENTALITY AND MENTAL HEALTH

 

              

 

 I.The initial symptoms:

1.’’Work environment is toxic.Management is toxic.’’

2.’’There is no work-life balance.’’

3.’’I am overworked and underpaid.’’

Not suggesting this is fictional.Just overhyped and stressed to a point where your professional life becomes dysfunctional.

II.Perpetrated by socio-professional media platform:

This is typified in social media impotent rage reactions where real and reel mix, and we are a perceived victim of systemic injustices and inequalities.The trouble lies with everyone else ,except me/us(the victims of the system).The mob culture reaction afforded by safety and comfort of anonymity of social media makes us spew venom on all and sundry.Contrarians are trolled and vilified.

III.What is SEIGE MENTALITY ?:

It is a real psychological phenomena requiring intervention.It is group victimstancing. It is a collective state of mind in which a group of people/even individual believe him/her/themselves constantly attacked, oppressed & exploited in the face of the negative intentions of the rest of the world.

We can together identify the why of it.And create curated solutions to discover that every crisis creates an opportunity.

KNOCK THE DOOR

 

I run tax law classes ONLINE and I invariably run a clip of Steve Jobs video where he recounts his experince as a 12 year old picking up the phone and straightaway dialling the number of Bill Hewlett the co-founder of Hewlett-Packard,and he recalls:
''“His number was still in the phone book, and he answered the phone himself,” Jobs recalled.

[Jobs introduced himself]: “Hi, I'm Steve Jobs. I'm 12 years old. I'm a student in high school, and I want to build a frequency counter, and I was wondering if you had any spare parts I could have.”

Hewlett laughed—and then he did something extraordinary. He not only gave Jobs the spare parts but also offered him a summer job at HP, working on the assembly line.
“I was in heaven,” Jobs said.

“Most people never pick up the phone and call. Most people never ask,” Jobs said. “And that's what separates sometimes the people that do things from the people that just dream about them.”

Its a huge tragedy.People say they dont ask because seniors dont tell or ridicule.But that should not deter you.Keep on knocking -one day the right door will open-and life will change.
For whatever I am worth,I am also sitting behind one of those doors-three decades of learning and growth in tax law-in career and mind management -to give away-waiting for my kind of learner.Waiting to open that door.Waiting for that knock.

You have the speed.But I know the way.

So don't fear-just ask.Just knock the door.