OF LOVE, LUST AND ALL THINGS IMPORTANT

I had a very interesting consultation session with a small town professional about love and future of love.Confidentiality reasons compel me not to divulge specifics ,but the case study is so interesting that some abstract detailing is necessary to fill up this blog’s theme.Session was impromptu ,scheduled late night Sunday because of situational exigencies.The professional ,in mid twenties had a typical ,small town-teenage girl meets boy story .She was propelled internally by a desire to be together for life which made her ‘’give in’’ to the physical compulsions of the boy and it culminated in ‘’as he pleased weekly rendezvous’’ of unprotected intimacy.

The dilemma arises now-talk of formalising relation leads him to say ‘’oh yeah’’ on good days and ‘’c’mon ‘’on bad days.

The girl says she is in a spot.But she SAYS she wants a happily ever after.

I doubt very much that it will happen(though I did not say so.)As counselling golden rule says-don’t give answers.Let them discover their answers.Just clarify.Just simplify.Just amplify.

We leave the rest and come to the generic point arising therefrom.The provocative proposition I place for erudite readers is this:  young women ,not yet into the intimacy channels ,feel/think that giving up on virginity or fornicating with a man they think they are in love with will somehow culminate into a commitment to marry-specially in a small town set up.In big cities too ,the minimum is expectation of reciprocity in love.

But mostly ,hopes fly and despair embraces.

Why?

 

Because ,and now I speak purely of male psyche – women who take off their clothes easily –never get respect in the eyes of a man-unless it is a very explicitly agreed ‘’MUTUALLY AGREED ,RAGING HORMONES NEED TO BE QUIETENED’’ agreement.

Never.

Men will never ever respect such a woman-who in their grossly mistaken notions of progressive permissiveness and bandwagon syndrome – let go with gay abandon.

On to my main  proposition.

Whenever you feel you are smitten by and besotted with a guy,ladies,-or -guys who think the soulmate girl has been discovered,but feel unsure- ‘’will this last?’’-arrows-just ask yourself  THREE QUESTIONS:

1.Do I TRUST this man?

2.Do I RESPECT this man?

3.Do I UNDERSTAND this man?

 

Only after the three yesses,ask yourself: do I LOVE this man?

[Great sex is not even part of the conversation.Its a standalone.Necessary to get things going but never sufficient as far as longevity goes.I dont advocate Victorian prudery at all.Just saying be clear as to why you are doing it.Do not treat it as a unspoken promissory estoppel .Lust can thrive without love any day.Its just compelling biology.You can address it as a standalone.Just do not confuse it with love.]

 

And once you are through this –ask him –and yourself:

1.Do you TRUST me?

2.Do you RESPECT me?

3.Do you UNDERSTAND me?

 

And only after three yesses ,ask him: do you LOVE me?

 

After 3+1 and 3+1 yesses,go ahead.Live together ,marry.Live,laugh,love.

And keep on asking- whenever you have reasons to question your choice-the moment one out of the six yesses turns into a NO-you will find that LOVE left too.

Because love always was an incomplete emotion by itself.