1.The overtly dramatic title is just to have
your attention.Now that I have it,let me try and justify it.A virtually
universal phenomena sweeps us in our working and private lives today.That of a ‘’perceived unreasonable and disproportionate
behaviour’’/reaction from the significant others in our lives.Colleagues,supervisors,friends,spouse,children……et
al.We are by and large unhappy people,dissatisfied with lives and things.Happiness
index places Indians at a unmentionably lower place.Even Pakistan is ahead of
us!(India at 140,Pakistan at 67.Finland at 1st: 2019 World Happiness Index).Interactional
conflicts are a major issue in this-from the street corner grocer to the
inhuman boss ,all are ill mannered and unreasonable.And so am I.’’sorry,I didn’t mean it’’must be the most
(ab)used sentence in English language.So would’’Please
don’t mind’’.We mean all of it..and internally we care two hoots if the
bugger minded.But we say it anyway….diplomatic ties may not be broken and all
that.
2.As I sat analysing this phenomena I find
that most of us are saddled with the following unadmitted traits:
TOP OF THE BOARD:1. (Suppressed) rage and anger
2.Dejection and disappointment
3.Depression and withdrawal
4.Helplessness and hopelessness
5.Hurt and denial
Tick your boxes.
3.And we go on with assumed overt pseudo
cheerfulness,living in denial(this one we have mastered,esp
the women-sorry ladies!),glossing
over , hiding, and nurturing, our hurts and lying to ourselves.NO wonder
we love sad songs so much!And quotes like ‘’our sweetest songs are those that
tell us of our saddest thoughts’’.
Who has not had a secret tear in his/her eye
listening to Roberta Flack singing’’KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS SONG’’?(Olivia Ong
version though is my favorite).Angst sells like nothing
else in this world.We buy it -all the time.Afterall,its free .
4.But
life is a statement of affirmation.It is a statement of hope.It is a statement
of creation.SO when you are in such a state and use the two most anti life
instruments of behaviour in tackling the world:HYPOCRICY and MANIPULATION-life
takes its toll.Nature is the special purpose vehicle of life.The keyboard of
life has no ‘’esc’’ button nor can’’ctrl+alt+del’’lead you to a task manager to’’end
task’’.LIFE grows-its an organic affirmation of creation.
5.So whenever we take a false step,life gives
us a reality check and gives us ,lets say 10 grams of depression or maybe 5
oz.of self directed anger.This accumulates.Hypocricy is nothing but a pseudo reaction high on
its perceived acceptability triggered by
fear of consequences of speaking the truth or wish to elicit a wanted emotion.Manipulation is on same
continuum…triggering a desired reaction by creating a situational /verbal set
up where the manipulated is compelled to react in manner X.
BUT-Life takes its toll again.
Have you ever wondered that we are rarely
punished FOR our anger?We are punished BY our anger.The emotion is the
punishment.Its life speaking again.
6.If ,for a day we decide to rewind a typical
life day in our lives we will see that the number of times WE SUPPRESS OUR
REACTIONS-at times ,so called life’’coaches’’tell us,its necessary-but do we
sublimate it?-hell,no.We keep it inside us.The boss situation is all too common-you
hear him firing you from late coming to office,to failures to meet deadlines,targets
etc etc etc.Most of us,inspite of self help manuals and oh so wise life
coaches,counsellors and shrinks ,cannot cope with it in the sense of harmonized
acceptability….harmonized with your thought and emotion…it builds up rage…and
anger…but because we cannot take it out to the real recipient we …suppress it….but
then this is not nature’s way….so it comes out again….in form of a
disproportionate reaction to a totally unconnected situation/interaction before
a bewildered colleague,a hapless subordinate,an astonished spouse,……Personal
life provides further examples.A taunt on your salary,deficiencies in social
interaction,inability to be a good parent…..
7.I am not entering into the other realms
outlined,like depression etc because those are internalized reactions to a
situation deemed to cause irrepairable hurt or unmendable emotional damage….if
you have understood the rage part the rest of the analysis is easy.
8.What then is the conclusion?We love
conclusions.We want closure all the time.its ok in a way.Any truth is better
than indefinite doubt.Should we wear our hearts on our sleeves?Blast the boss
back?etc.Or cry on the first available shoulder?Nothing of the sort.The whole
purpose of this essay is to ask all of you TO UNDERSTAND.To understand that
suppressed rage is a common outcome of all pressure interactions…and of some
personal ones too.Understand your own reaction.Empathise with the reaction
coming to you or,if you are too angry to
do that,become aware of where the reaction’s disproportinateness could be
coming from.We are all mostly hurt.We are anxious.We are angry.
9.The first step to eliminate all this
negativity is to understand that you have all this.Then,even if you are not
able to eliminate all this,at least you will have taken a huge step towards
that.It is said that to
understand is to pardon.Let us forgive-not others-let us first forgive
ourselves.Then would come the emotional and cognitive rebuilding part.That is
mostly person specific.But I would be happy to share my thoughts on it-derived
from life,unburdened by tomes of psychology and so called cognitive therapies
,motivation theories,self help books and the like…mind you they are useful.I
would recommend just one:GAMES PEOPLE PLAY by ERIC BERNE.
10. But ,given a fair bit of
education,intelligence ,experience and a bit of horse sense…no better place to
learn than from a university called life.
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