WORKPLACE FRIENDSHIPS

 It depends on what's your concept of friendship-core common interest areas,shared passions and perceptions,common likes,even partly coalescing value systems,intelligence levels .....there are multiple facets of a paradigm called genuine friendship.

Else whosoever interacts with you for a reasonable length of time regularly and share superficialites of a shared workplace like a visceral dislike of management,overwork etc is a friend.These equations of supposed bonding are exposed once the 'c'word comes in -competition.Or the 'p'word-promotion.

Ironically ,I feel,its major age differentials in work place,which can foster genuine friendship-no competition there.

Rest is just BONDING-mistaken for friendship,which is way deeper.

Also ,its said that equations made in extreme situations do not last-given the tough work demands in most set ups nowadays(except CCD type environs,projected on social media)-these are just shared adversity bonds...again,not friendship.

It is said ,a man and a woman can never be friends(to me,a modified version:no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive) -because love or sex comes in between.("When Harry Met Sally" deja vu).Its famously said that a man thinks of sex every seven seconds-that seems improbable- a Kinsey institute study puts it at once every 1.26 hours 

Women do to ...the study said ...several times a day.Given the Victorian prudery Indians suffer from,you can suitably modify the numbers.But opposite gender friendship at any place ,is hit big time by this factor.So it hinders work many a time(may help too!).(You may contest this concept of humans being libido enslaved homo sapiens ...history however is kinder to my perception.)

So friendship at work is rare-because work comes in between.

Then.

Is workplace friendship a real concept?

Possible?,yes.

Probable?,no.

Helpful?,who knows.

Minus the prudery ,a TRUE poll on workplace friendship would give 4 results.

1.Male (female)bonding ...yes

2.Office romance/intimacy/flirtation

...yes.

3.Opp gender friendship(no friends with benefits)...ugh.

4.Same gender friendship...get real maan!

WHAT IS THE RIGHT DECISION?A MORAL AND A MANAGEMENT DILEMMA

 

                

 

An amazing story I came across.

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other is non operational.

Only one child is playing on the unused track; the rest on the operational track.

A train is coming, and you are just beside the track changer. You can make the train change its course to the non operational track and save most of the kids.

However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the unused track would be sacrificed.

Would you change the track?

Or would you rather let the train go its way?

 

Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we would make...

 

Have you thought enough???

 

Most people would choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. Save most of the children at the expense of only one child is probably a rational decision most people would make.

But, have you ever thought that the child who chose to play on the unused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?

Nevertheless, he was to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.

 

This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the RIGHT is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how far-sighted and knowledgeable the wise are.

 

The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track were aware that the track was still in use, and that they would run away when they hear the train's sirens.

Now, If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never expects that a train could come over on the unused track!

Further, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to such a track, we may put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in our attempt to save few kids thinking that the train may run over them, we might end up sacrificing hundreds of people.

 

"What's Right isn't always popular.

and what's popular isn't always Right.’’

NETWORKING

 

I think the word I read most on sites like Linkedin is ‘’Networking’’.I read most with great amusement for the sheer lack of ignorance the usage exhibits.We need a Definitive statement on networking and Clear some misconceptions thereon.Here is my modest contribution.

MASTER MISCONCEPTION: Networking is  creating a personal pool of influential people.

It is not.

Networking is the exchange of information and ideas among people with a common profession or special interest, usually in an informal social setting. ...This is the only definition I find acceptable minus its Machiavellianistic connotations ,though what I expand below,per need of the topic goes beyond nobility and is transactional in its bareback avatar.

CONCEPT

People should know who you are. That helps establish credibility and thereafter builds personal value over time. But what makes social networking a powerful tool for leaders depends on how robustly one establishes oneself through their networks.

I read an interesting take on the concept over internet(Ms.Anita Das probably).The writer said,as I repeatedly say that ‘’It has been reasserted by many that in a professional’s life, networking is akin to creating business opportunities. But this critical skill is not about schmoozing over wine and cheese and exchanging business cards as naysayers would make it out to be. It is an art that integrates understanding mind-sets and making mutually beneficial connections underpinned with professionalism.’’

VISIBILITY

The ‘Father of Modern Networking’, Founder and Chief Visionary Officer of BNI – Mr. Ivan Misner put the networking theory into perspective with the VCP process. He mentioned a meaningful referral begins with being visible. And their power is based on the social capital they have developed building relationships with people in their network. This does not happen by being sequestered or merely friending on Facebook or accepting a connection on LinkedIn. Social networks are useful but they are no substitute for forming direct personal connections. Face to face contact always helps to create good first impressions and build trust over time. Once trust is established the relationship is valued beyond favors and a credible profile of yours gets registered.

Over the last decade Misner drew his own networking cardinal rules that he says  have guided him. I place out some of his key rules here ,though I necessarily do not agree in most part.

Misner’s Cardinal keys of Networking:

1. Give before you get
If you think of asking favour before obliging someone first, you may be shunned or even despised. Always think of giving first without expecting anything in return. Be generous with giving invitations to gatherings, showing simple gestures to make people feel special will always go a long way.  Results may actualise over a period of time and not be immediate.

2. Be Genuine

Human beings are social animals. We are compassionate first. Solicitousness should form the basis of any relation whether business or personal to develop trust over a period of time. Genuinity and a deep rooted care, interest and enthusiasm for meeting new people should mark the way while extending one’s business network.

3. Be part of relevant industry bodies

In the business of networking it is important to be a part of industry networks that add value to one’s personal development and also help gather industry knowledge and expertise. 

 4. Create a personal brand

Identify yourself first. When establishing your personal brand be mindful to be aligned with your organization's persona. That will also make people value you and help build your connections to generate relevant business when required.

5. Listen more, talk less

Listen more intently than talk. Open a conversation but always make it about the other person. What are their interests, which charities do they support, awards they have received etc. Be focused when in one conversation, avoid butterflying from one table/group to another without spending sufficient time at one. Don’t take out business cards until absolutely required. Be subtle and genuine with your conversations.

6. Be agile and passionate

A good networker will always inspire others to want to connect with them and their business. Show enthusiasm and passion for what you do and how you do it.

So here it is,the concept.Although I’d rather just let the talent do the talking.

OF HONESTY AND INTEGRITY

 

As per Alliance for Integrity “Integrity in its bare-bones essence means adherence to principles. It is a three-step process: choosing the right course of conduct; acting consistently with the choice—even when it is inconvenient or unprofitable to do so; openly declaring where one stands. It is “thinking person’s virtue.”

People often interchange honesty and integrity as if they are one and the same. But, they are decidedly distinct. The honest person may truthfully tell what he or she believes without the advance determination of whether it is right or wrong. Integrity is about conduct;honesty is about adhering to facts. honesty is about what you say; integrity is about what you do. 

Integrity compares your behaviour to your own rules and self-definition. If your behaviour is always consistent with your belief system, you are acting with integrity.In this sense integrity is the opposite of hypocrisy.An interesting take is “Integrity is telling myself the truth. Honesty is the truth I tell others.”

Integrity can best be explained as "doing the right thing when no-one is watching". Honesty is just about telling the truth.

Integrity deals with actions.Honesty is about words.Honesty does not imply that a person adheres to a moral code.Integrity implies that a person adheres to a moral code.Honesty is not a guarantee of integrity.Integrity is a guarantee of honesty.

Wiki sums it up well

Integrity is “concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations, and outcomes.”

So

One can be honest without integrity.Honesty is what most of us value.Integrity is however the real thing.

THE EAGLE FLIES ALONE

Being alone has a power that very few people can handle.

- STEVEN AITCHISON

Do not confuse being alone with loneliness.The former is largely a physical situation and the latter is purely psychological.

Being alone is SOLITUDE.Which is bliss for creators ,performers and achievers.Greatest works are done being alone.Embrace solitude.Its way better than being with the undeserving.And way more rewarding.

There will be times of yearning when just talking to someone would be a compelling desire.Dont give in.You are an option to them.Till you become their choice,let go.

The eagle flies alone.

" When I was born the seed was sown

I will not obey, my life is my own

Battle rows, which do enslave me

Exposed lies that enrage me

I don't believe in heaven, I don't believe in hell

Never joined the herd, could not adjust well

Slave and master, it's not for me

I choose my own path, set myself free

I, I go my own way

I swim against the stream

Forever I will fight the powers that be

I, I go my own way

I swim against the stream

Forever I will fight the pοwers that be

The eagle flies alone

Reject the system that dictates the norm

This world is full of lies and deceit

I ask my own betrayal, cut so deep

Suffered defeat only to rise again

I, I go my own way

I swim against the stream

Forever I will fight the powers that be

I, I go my own way

I swim against the stream

Forever I will fight the powers that be

The eagle flies alone

Alone!

I, I go my own way

I swim against the stream

Forever I will fight the powers that be

I, I go my own way

I swim against the stream

Forever I will fight the powers that be

The eagle flies alone"

Songwriter: Michael Amott

THE CRUISESHIP STORY

 

 

A great story I read somewhere and one that gave me a huge lesson of life.Source is not known but to me it was a life changer.Minor modifications and editing done by me.

A cruise ship met with an incident at sea, on the ship was a couple, after having made their way to the lifeboat, they realized that there was only space for one person left.

At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.

The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.

The teacher stopped and asked, "What do you think she shouted?"

Most of the students excitedly answered, "I hate you! I was blind!"

Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied, "Teacher, I believe she would have shouted - Take care of our child!"

The teacher was surprised, asking "Have you heard this story before?"

The boy shook his head, "Nope, but that was what my mum told my dad before she died to disease".

The teacher lamented, "The answer is right".

The cruise sunk, the man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.

Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.

It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with a terminal illness.
At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival.

He wrote in his diary, "How I wished to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone".

The story is finished, the class was silent.

The teacher knows that the student has understood the moral of the story, that of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.

Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.

Many of hose who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.


Many of those who are willing to help you, do so not because they owe you any thing but because they feel its being human.

Many of those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart.
One day, all of us will get  separated  from each other; we will miss our conversations of everything & nothing; the dreams that we had. Days will pass by, months, years, until this contact becomes rare... One day our children will have memories and ask 'Who are these people?' And we will smile with invisible tears  because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: 'IT WAS THEM THAT I HAD THE BEST DAYS OF MY LIFE WITH'.

 

 Send this to all your friends and family that you will never forget. Thank you for making me smile for sometime in my life...

AUTHOR OF STORY:UNKNOWN

SPRINGBOARD THEORY

  

I read a great post on Linkedin by Dr.Dixit that conviction is more important than motivation as a precursor to human action.Also that motivation is external and conviction is internal.This motivated me to write my view thereon.

Have some tangential and radical view (in the end)as an ex psychology student.Purely my own.Not sourced from anywhere.

A preliminary point:We often do a lot of things without conviction or without motivation.All of us have .Isn't it?

Social media,political propoganda,religious predilections ,familial requirements manipulate both our convictions and motivations, creating narratives contra to facts, playing on our responsibilities,duties,prejudices,biases,fears and desires.

Motivation to me is not external.There are three distinct sources of motivation as I read; extrinsic (head), intrinsic (heart), and transcendent (soul).What we get from outside is stimuli:positive and negative: eg a pat on the back at work ,a new promotion avenue...

But whether the stimuli motivates us depends on how that stimuli interacts with the three source theory i mentioned....

As for CONVICTION...I have a grammar of psychology and philosophy I developed ...it is interplay of words with their grammatical dimension and how it impinges on your personality..a lesson I learnt from the film The Last Emperor(more on this if any reader wishes)

CONVICTION is a noun...not a verb...it creates the foundation...but not the action.

To me both are important.

But human action mostly results from:

1.Necessity(need for roti,kapda aur makaan,safety etc)

2.Compulsion(forced by someone/situation)

3.Imitation/social

These three also ,in my view are spring boards of action.

But the biggest,noblest and source of finest human action results from" Passion."Look at human history.Proof is splashed all over.It is a complete life code-it has conviction,it has motivation ,it is its own raison d' etre.It is your calling.

Example:Eklavya from Mahabharata is the epitome of passion.Denied by Dronacharya he learns on his own by creating statue of Guru Drona.So much that Drona has to ask for his thumb because he knew Eklavya was a greater archer than his favorite pupil Arjuna.

.Arjuna had the conviction.He had the talent.But Eklavya alone had the passion.And the genius.

He will always be my hero above Arjuna.(except the giving of his thumb).(Just as Karna would be my ultimate friend.)

So conviction creates.Motivation prepares.

But passion does.