OF COACHES AND TRAINERS

I notice with a great deal of alarm and amusement two terms hugely in vogue today-coach and trainer...Life coach, motivation trainer etc...and the scary “workshops” they first attend and then hurl them on a unsuspecting target ,index finger pointed with “thou shalt not...”admonishments.

Why, there are even set ups AWARDING certificates to that effect!First the validity of such certifications and their qualifications in making such AWARDS is a huge issue.SELF CERTIFICATION is again an eyebrow raiser.

I speak on life issues too ..Been doing it for past 20 to 25 years...and whenever I feel extra smart ,life provides me with a perfect ‘’foot on the banana skin moment’’...humbled I proceed.

So, I'd rather describe myself as a SPEAKER or a Counsellor -at -large.Its not merely semantics mind you.It has to do with the attitude which is inculcated.I’d rather that it was motivational speaker or a life educator.What is the difference? Remember 3 idiots?.The film.Where the character played by Aamir Khan tells the Principal how to teach-the 30 second race to define PRERAJUALISATION and FARHANITRATE?What is said there?:चाबुक के डर से तो शेर भी उछल कर स्टूल पर बैठना सीख जाता है.पर उसे well trained कहते हैं,well educated नही.My concern is that what is being taught by these undoubtedly well intentioned “trainers “and “coaches” is a set of defense and coping mechanisms.A set of reactions to a set of situations.BUT HOWSOEVER COMPREHENSIVE AND MULTIFARIOUS these “LIFE FORMULAE” are ,they shall be all adviced to remember that life is not a set of quadratic equations nor is it a ladder going straight up.

Life is a organic statement of universe. LIFE GROWS-LIKE A TREE.The way it will grow,the circumstances and weather it will encounter,no botanist dare predict that.Nor should he be able to.The beauty of life, in part, lies in the undefined and unpredictable, unfathomables it shall encounter en route.Hence each one of us is UNIQUE AND SPECIAL in his or her own way.That is what makes life liveable.Tell me the life grammar which can define love?Tell me the infallible coping mechanisms for loneliness?Tell me why is it that ‘falling in love' is more a matter of geography than chemistry? I can add a million Q’s.And 20 “life coaches” will give me 21 answers.

HOW WOULD I ANSWER?Well please note a wicked smile on my face.I can...But some other place ,some other time.

So what is the epilogue for all this gyan that I am giving?

In my innumerable sessions with trainee(ha ha ha) officers I keep on saying that even if TRAINING is to be imparted....As contrasted to EDUCATING -it should almost fully be DESCRIPTIVE instead of PRESCRIPTIVE.My favorite concept of educating arises from title of a book written by Stephen Hawking years and years ago about the origin of universe;’’THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING''.

This then is the task for the educators (and trainers and coaches!):teach them  the theory of things...Empirical as well as a priori...Draw on actual incidents from life.AND in the end tell them:I can’t live your life nor your dreams.GO AND DISCOVER YOUR OWN TRUTH.THE TOOLS I HAVE PROVIDED TOO ARE NOT EXHAUSTIVE.BUT THEY WILL GIVE YOU AN INITIAL ANCHOR,a basic reference point.Add to them,subtract from them.LEARN AND NEVER STOP LEARNING.

BECAUSE IN LIFE,JOURNEY IS THE DESTINATION.

Respect and Remember

Interacting with a comrade I got reminded of an old poem of my childhood days.And a  dialogue from Bachchan sir's Baghbaan"log aksar mohabbat karte hain.Lekin jitni baar usko kehna chahiye ,kehte nahi"
Ditto with all valuable relationships we have.If you value someone's concern,love,friendship...Show it..You are lucky ..Because there are many who don't have any.Here is the poem.

AROUND THE CORNER
Charles Hanson Towne

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end;

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone,

And I see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and terrible race.

He knows I like him just as well
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine.

We were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men;
Tired with playing a foolish game,
Tired with trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow," I say, "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."

But tomorrow comes–and tomorrow goes,
And the distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner!–yet miles away…
"Here's a telegram sir, Jim died today."

And that's what we get, and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

WORK CULTURE TODAY

WHAT AILS OUR WORK CULTURE TODAY?

We claim we are constantly moving.But we are not reaching anywhere.The bureaucracy is the villain in chief.The private sector,not far behind.What ails our services we render to our organizations?The delivery mechanism,we say is constantly working..But we are being micromanaged which kills initiative.Target management is all we do.
Bureaucracy admittedly takes the cake here.
Still we all say we are doing our jobs.
We are doing our jobs.
Do you know the difference between DOING YOUR JOB and DOING YOUR DUTY?
Your job IS DOING WHAT IS REQUIRED.
Your duty IS DOING WHAT IS RIGHT.
Don't let the naysayers get to you by saying that this is anti discipline and may work counter to organizational objectives.It won't .This is not a prescription to anarchy.I will illustrate.On 21st august 1989 I entered the hallowed precincts of National Academy Of Direct Taxes at Nagpur as a young 24 year old entering the mighty IRS.I was told that officers are required to SIGN a oath and take it as a pledge .That was to be our beacon for the rest of our careers.
You know what it was?
It was an OATH OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE COUNTRY and to the CONSTITUTION OF INDIA.Yes.
I never forgot that.That was MY DUTY.Paid the price for remembering it.But I managed.
So,till we stop doing our jobs and start doing our duty ....Better still...Let your duty become your job.

Respecting yourself

I read somewhere something about love and self respect.We often humiliate ourselves in relationships specially in trying to prepare ourselves for the so called"right time" or "right moment" to say that’s it.
Save yourself because it isn't coming.There is no perfect time to decide to start respecting yourself.This is my view.
Now here is what I read:
"If love becomes too painful, then it’s time to let that love go and save yourself. You have to keep this in mind because you’ll be able to find another love but not another self."
"When a door closes, knock on it a few times. But if it still doesn’t open, let it stay closed. In career, in love, in LIFE – when you see the period at the end of the sentence, don’t try and turn it into a comma. Know when something is over and move on."
Combine my thought with this.Many of you may yet save yourselves...Before saving yourself becomes irrelevant.

DEFINED

A thought to think over:
Do not expect your life to be a never ending pool party....It won't be.We Indians are masters at self deception and procrastination is our weapon of choice.
It does not hurt to occasionally confront oneself and take a good hard look at the mirror without blinking.
Don't say you have time or that when your time comes then...Your time will never come.The secret is to become wise before you get old.
My father often asked me about background of my friends.It angered me a lot because I thought what my friend's father does is not why I should be his friend.I was wrong.It was part of contour of my choice.Choosing to be his friend was my choice.And
WE ARE DEFINED BY OUR CHOICES.
SO friends.Control your destiny.We always have options.Always.
LET YOUR CHARACTER DRIVE YOUR STORY.

हम बड़े हो गए।

हम बड़े हो गए।
हम बड़े हो गए।
मुस्कुराहट,तबस्सुम, हंसी, कहकहे
सब खो गए।
हम बड़े हो गए।
ज़िम्मेदारी मुसलसल निभाते रहे।
बोझ औरों का खुद ही उठाते रहे।
अपना दुख सोचकर रोये तन्हाई में।
महफिलों में मगर मुस्कुराते रहे।
कितने लोगों से अब मुख्तलिफ हो गए।
हम बड़े हो गए।
और कितनी मसाफत है बाकी अभी।
ज़िन्दगी की हरारत है बाकी अभी।
वो जो हमसे बड़े हैं सलामत रहें।
उन सभी की ज़रूरत है बाकी अभी।
जो थपक कर सुलाते थे,खुद सो गए।
हम बड़े हो गए।
जाने कब आयी,कब जवानी हुई।
खत्म होने को अब ज़िन्दगानी हुई
जो हक़ीक़त थी अब वो कहानी हुई।
मंज़िलें मिल गयीं हमसफर खो गए।
देखते देखते क्या से क्या हो गए।
हम बड़े हो गए।

Post script
-मत पूछना दोस्तों यह अशआर किसके हैं।
जो महसूस कर सके ये ख्यालात उसके हैं

LIFE THOUGHTS TO LIVE BY

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.

William James

Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.

Benjamin Disraeli

Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it.

Joe Clark

Every scar has a story. Don't be afraid to tell it.

Anonymous

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

Martin Luther King

It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.

Anonymous

- If today was perfect, there would be no need for tomorrow.

Anonymous

The only limit to our realisation of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

The future belongs to the competent. Get good, get better, be the best.

Brian Tracy

Follow your dreams. They know the way.

Anonymous

Be so good they can't ignore you.

Steve Martin

If you don't like where you are, move. You are not a tree.

Jim Rohn

Work until your idols become your rivals.

Drake

Practice like you've never won. Perform like you’ve never lost.

Anonymous

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

Anonymous

Happiness is an inside job.

William Arthur Ward

- If you’re good at something, never do it for free.

Joker

- Don’t stress. Do your best. Forget the rest.

Anonymous

I dwell in possibility.

Emily Dickinson

Don't wait for opportunity. Create it.

Anonymous

Hold the vision. Trust the process.

Anonymous

Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.

Anonymous

I love the smell of possibility in the morning.